The Classy Sex Toys

Most sex toys are great for spicing up a relationship or improving your “me” time. But occasionally toys stray from the traditional goals of being “functional” and “pleasurable,” and instead go for designs and concepts so bewildering that you’ll be too busy wondering what the hell their creators were thinking to get any enjoyment out of

Obama Vibrator

Ladies, do you like President Obama? I mean, do you really, really like him? Then why not give him a term in your oval office with this vibrator shaped like the Head of State? After all, you voted for the man, and it’s about time he did something to repay you for your support. And if you didn’t vote for him, then you could always use this toy as part of an elaborate revenge fantasy or something. The possibilities are endless!

The box advertises the product as “your personal stimulus package,” a joke so awful that it will eliminate your sex drive if you read it. Then again, I’d imagine the prospect of sticking an effigy of the 44th President up your vagina isn’t much of a turn on to begin with. Maybe we should just hold out for a JFK dildo.


Lil Chef

This tiny vibrator is disguised as a bemused and depressed French chef. I’m not sure how effective of a disguise that is, as while it’s true it doesn’t look like a vibrator it doesn’t really look like anything else either, which will inevitably lead to questions when it falls out of your purse. But what’s more confusing is the expression on the little guy’s face—he looks pretty downtrodden. Would you want to stimulate yourself with something that looks that sad? Imagine how guilty you’d feel about it.